This is a post of reflection and I am sharing it with you so that you can consider your family in 10+ years to come. It is so lovely to look back and have insight and insight is not worth much if it cannot be passed on and out to the world so here it is….. as always take what is useful and leave what is not.
When our youngest was 18 months old and starting to do those mischievous things they start to do from about 14 months onwards I decided to challenge myself and my husband to a no smacking rule. This was a bit outrageous in those days (22 years ago) and people criticised us saying we would have out of control kids etc bla bla bla.
As a result I got to reading Steve Biddulph’s “ More Secrets to Happy Children”. In that book right at the front is a kind of imagine paragraph… imagine you are sitting on your front porch and you hear a car arrive and you look up and your grown up children pile out of the car with laughter and stories of their lives to share with you “ that sort of thing…
It’s so weird because when I used to read that over and over I could never imagine being at that stage… and yet here we are Easter weekend and that is exactly what happened. Oh the sweetness of having a house full of family and even one extra which was a bonus after living through 3 of the 4 moving out of home!
This Easter, the house was filled again with laughter, guitar, ukelele and singing – lots of it and we watched old family movies together and appreciated together that our family is so wonderful and close and connected.
It’s weird hey if you are at the stage of your life where your children are small and your days are busy and full and you might feel like your parenting style is not what you want it to be and I ALWAYS felt that on a daily basis… actually moment by moment is probably more accurate…. My house was never clean enough or tidy enough or organised enough and I was SO hard on myself…. I wanted my children to be perfectly behaved and I wanted to use cloth nappies to save the planet…. Oh the gift of wisdom is so blissful now….
Watching those videos with our little ones playing with the hose outside, jumping with bare bottoms onto the trampoline and basically just running around naked most of the time… singing a LOT and dancing a LOT…. I was just struck and surprised by my own relaxed attitude and my laughter and my husband and I and how in tune we actually were with how we parented. At the time I did not know this….. It all seemed so busy and such a blurr….
Now this is where I want to catch your attention…..in regard to YOUR family….
- Firstly take videos of the normal moments… hanging out at home, making art together…. Dancing, singing…..
- Secondly…. Just enjoy being with your children they grow fast and each moment they are changing and
- Thirdly it’s not about a clean house and I know you have heard it all before so now hear this from your future you… when you watch the family videos with your adult children in years to come and laugh and reminisce together I guarantee you won’t be laughing and loving about which school report was their best or if their room was tidy or if they picked their towels up… you will be basking ONLY in the aftermath and current strength of your relationships with your children…..
It will be all about the laughter you shared… the hugs and the stories you read together.
Cherish is the key. Cherish what is important and let go of what is less important. Love… just love them no matter what and allow that to be the source of your family identity.
I realise now it was all about INTENTION… because we truly had no idea what we were doing.. It was mostly about feeling our way through it and yet we knew our intention … to love , to accept and to allow our children to be who they were truly as that emerged….
I hope you had a lovely Easter…. We certainly did and I am truly deeply grateful for the love we share and the family we have.